In this lightning-fast gossip climate, I am forced to report the following before TMZ pays off one of our grossly underpaid staff members…
You should know that prior to our annual holiday staff party last Friday evening, I gave a short speech with the following theme; “Behave as if You were a Bridge City Customer”…
Briefly, here are a couple of lowlights;
- Imagine my surprise to learn that Michael speaks multiple languages–none of them familiar to me or Marissa (our staff word geek, or so she says). We were all clueless, except for the phrase, “more Champagne” which was common to all five dialects.
- Natasha has threatened to sue me because I suggested that dancing on the table would be inappropriate.
- I am also pleased to share that I glanced over the banquet area prior to leaving and ALL of the silverware was accounted for… which is a first.
- Despite my best efforts, I was unsuccessful in my attempts to sell KerfMakers to the wait staff. Damn. (I almost made a sale to the waitress with the scorpion tattoos–all she wanted to know was how hard it would clamp… I said, “Clamp what?” … she looked at me as if I was an idiot and I KNOW THIS LOOK.) It was then I violated the number one rule of sales by forgetting to ask for the order. Michael probably could have closed the sale if he spoke English.
This was our first party at a “biker bar” and I feel like I should share more, however, bawdy and lewd recounts are of no interest to anybody I know, particularly our customers.
Just think, none of this would have been possible without the influence of you and your fellow Bridge Citizens!
Feast on that TMZ!!!
PS: Remember, you heard this here first. Next year we will eat at a place with chairs–if we sell enough of the “Tool Too Sexy for Mass Production”. I promise.