Bridge City Holiday Party Gossip…

In this lightning-fast gossip climate, I am forced to report the following before TMZ pays off one of our grossly underpaid staff members…

You should know that prior to our annual holiday staff party last Friday evening, I gave a short speech with the following theme; “Behave as if You were a Bridge City Customer”…

Briefly, here are a couple of lowlights;

  • Imagine my surprise to learn that Michael speaks multiple languages–none of them familiar to me or Marissa (our staff word geek, or so she says). We were all clueless, except for the phrase, “more Champagne” which was common to all five dialects.
  • Natasha has threatened to sue me because I suggested that dancing on the table would be inappropriate.
  • I am also pleased to share that I glanced over the banquet area prior to leaving and ALL of the silverware was accounted for… which is a first.
  • Despite my best efforts, I was unsuccessful in my attempts to sell KerfMakers to the wait staff. Damn. (I almost made a sale to the waitress with the scorpion tattoos–all she wanted to know was how hard it would clamp… I said, “Clamp what?”  … she looked at me as if I was an idiot and I KNOW THIS LOOK.)  It was then I violated the number one rule of sales by forgetting to ask for the order.  Michael probably could have closed the sale if he spoke English.


This was our first party at a “biker bar” and I feel like I should share more, however, bawdy and lewd recounts are of no interest to anybody I know, particularly our customers.

Just think, none of this would have been possible without the influence of you and your fellow Bridge Citizens!

Feast on that TMZ!!!

–John

PS: Remember, you heard this here first. Next year we will eat at a place with chairs–if we sell enough of the “Tool Too Sexy for Mass Production”. I promise.

22 comments on this post:

  1. I confess I had to look up TMZ. It’s possible I’m more out of it than you are, John. Though I think I would have figured out the “how hard will it clamp” question.

    But here’s the main reason for posting: thank you. All of you at Bridge City Tool Works. This has been a particularly delightful year of woodworking and tool buying for me, and my interactions with you wonderful people at BCTW has made it all the better. I love showing off my beautiful tools to anyone who I can inveigle into my shop-I-mean-garage. And I’m proud to have hooked a couple of others on my addiction. I believe that makes me a BCTW pusher. And yet I feel no shame.

    I hope that you all have a wonderful holiday (assuming John lets you have one), and an even better new year. I hope to see you in it.

    — Peter

  2. inveigle

    Peter- You win! What a great word and I wish I could say I have heard this before…of course I can!…. thanks to your post.

    And just to prove I fully understand you, I called my doctor today and tomorrow I am getting my inveigle shots–dogs too.

    XXX000

    –John

  3. Peter-

    Jokes aside (and I don’t know why), I am saving my thanks for all things Bridge City until New Years Eve. But until then, thank you–even though you, of all people ocean orientated, had to be convinced by a committee of thousands (I am talking krill here) to buy the “Tool You Want Real Bad”. So until then, what is wrong with you… pesto aside…???

    –John

  4. Well, sure. I resisted the “Tool You Want Real Bad” … for a while. But I have one! (Still haven’t used it, but now that my eyes have been opened to its alternate possibilities, I might have to explore it more carefully.) So I’ll have to plead temporary insanity. That, and an inflated vocabulary, are family traits.

    But let’s put this in context: I resisted what was probably the least expensive tool BCTW has made recently. On the upside, at least 3 people on talkFestool have admitted that I started them on the slippery slope that is BCTW. I think I’m still ahead in the accounting.

    And off topic (or back to the original topic of Michael’s multilinguality) I heard a great line in a commercial this evening: “…and he spoke French. In Russian.”

    So you have big New Year’s plans? More biker bars? Get drunk and get some tattoos? Maybe a CS-2 on your bicep? A shoulder plane on your butt?

    — Peter

  5. By the way, we’re pretty low on presents this year, so I put the BCTW package (that arrived while I was out of town) under the tree. I’m so excited! What could it be?!?

    (As if I didn’t know. Still, I’m excited to open it. At least I’ll have one present…)

    — Peter

  6. Actually my holiday plans are going to be consumed by the muse–I am working on the holy grail of powerless woodworking–rip cutting. AND I am almost there, so the muse won’t allow me to enjoy the holidays. And besides, this is better.

    John

  7. Now that sounds exciting! Is it going to be a 5-foot long JMP? Or a ripping hand plane and guide rail system? Or maybe a ryoba and guide rail?

    At any rate, happy musing. I hope that it’s successful. Always good to have motivation to get up in the morning!

    – Peter

  8. The muse of woodworking…. my bet is on Cooter Ditchman, the world’s most opinionated woodorker–Look for him to surface right here in this totally awesome blog in early 2010.

    –John

  9. Wow! When “Cooter Ditchman” doesn’t even surface with Google, you know it’s obscure. I can hardly wait!

    Hope you have successful musings. You might check out the BCTW addiction thread on tF – more evidence of happy, addicted, new customers.

    – Peter

  10. Hi John,

    Happy Holidays! It sure sounded like a great party, but chairs next year? I don’t think that’s a good idea, it might lead to your staff getting comfortable, they might even start thinking you like them!

    I respectfully disagree that the rip cut is the Holy Grail of powerless woodworking. I have to admit that even though I have a shop full of heavy duty power tools, I find the whole concept of silent woodworking fasinating and I think about it quite often and what I think about the most is making curved objects without using power tools. Curves are my powerless “Holy Grail!”

    One final comment: I’ve really enjoyed all the “back slapping” and “back patting” with yourself, Peter, Fred and all the rest of the cast of characters visiting the Blog this year, and can’t wait to see what 2010 brings, both in new tools and talking about them!

    Happy New Year, Rutager

  11. Hey Rutager – me too (and I’m sure Fred would agree). It’s amazing how I keep discovering all these amazing people in the woodworking world. You should check out the community at talkFestool – you’d fit right in. You’ll find Fred and Roger there, as well as a growing number of BCTW owners.

    And I remain in awe of your woodworking skills. I’d love to come and take a private lesson with you some year!

    Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year to you all!

    – Peter

  12. P.S. What a treat this morning when I opened one of my 2 presents: a BCTW MG-5 Black Chroooome marking gauge! I was thrilled! (And feigned surprise, as I did order it for myself…)

    – P

  13. John,

    Classic Cooter, hiding behind you and making you “fight” his battles! Alright, I’ll stay tuned for more info on your and Cooters reasons for the rip cut being the “Grail.”

    Peter,

    Thanks for the compliments, high praise from a craftsman of your caliber!( I’ve seen the stools and tables on the Forum!) I have an idea, why don’t you and Fred sign up for John’s class at Marc Adams this Fall? We can have some good tool talks, that is when we’re not rolling on the floor laughing at John’s hilarious jokes!

    -Rutager

  14. In principle that sounds like an amazingly fun idea, Rutger. Unfortunately I have this “job” thing that tends to conflict. I’m still ashamed for having (for the first time in my career) cancelling a class in order to attend the WIA show in PA this fall. I only did it so I could meet John. It was totally worth it!

    I’ll have to think more about the Marc Adams school. Awfully tempting. I’m not sure we’d be able to get Fred out for it – he’s not able to travel too far. The legacy of a serious hockey career, I believe.

    In the meantime, have a great year. (And who’s this “Cooter” guy?)

    – Peter

    P.S. Thanks so much for the compliments on my woodworking. I still have a long, long way to go. But that’s the fun of it, isn’t it?

  15. Rutager,

    Attending the Marc Adams school with you and Peter would be an absolute blast AND we could possibly,maybe, partially, okay probably not at all , learn something. 😮 Now as far as Peter and his reluctance due to his “job” let me just assure you of something. Okay, there are people with tremendous power in this world, including but not limited to our President, The Honorable Barack Obama. However, the only example of pure unadulterated power resides in the crook of Mr. Economacki’s pointer finger. Should he carefully take off the lead lined glove, that he must wear for the sake of the world, raise the finger and ever so slightly, while pointing it at Peter, bend the finger back toward himself. Well, I actually have to pause here as the mere thought of the power is almost completely overwhelming. Back to the action. As soon as the tip of this pointer finger of John’s starts to bend Peter is thrown into a trance. There is only one way that this trance may be resolved in a fashion that does not cause world wide destruction. Peter must immediately book flights, trains or automobiles that will take him to whatever event that John has deemed necessary for Peter. Of course Peter must not just arrive but also complete the show, school, demonstration ad infinitum.

    I think that you can now clearly see the majestic power dwelling within John’s pointer fingers as of course it works with either hand. There need be NO inveigling here as instant obedience obviates the need for such. 😮 So, I guess that at this point the only thing to do is start the process of gathering all information needed to attend said school. PLEASE do not force the usage of the finger as one tiny slip can be catastrophic. 😮

    Fred

  16. John,et al,

    Merry Happy Christmas/New Year. I believe that 2010 is going to be a breakthrough for us all. I do not know how you are going to top the tools you brought out in 2009 but I have no doubts that you will do so and I can’t wait to see what they will be.

    How long before the brace and drilling guide will be available?

    Natasha, I will be glad to join your lawsuit against John with the whole dancing on table tops or even counters. The thought that your creative expression could be stifled is really abhorrent so please believe me when I say I am on your side. 😮

    Fred

  17. Fred. Truly thow art a nut case. But I think you’ve fairly accurately described the power of John’s finger – at least where I’m concerned.

    As for new tools, I was thinking (in the shower, where I do my best work) that I’d be interested in seeing what BCTW would do with a spoke shave. Or a scraper of some sort. But perhaps that’s too mundane these days for John.

    And Fred: after your comments in support of Natasha’s insubordination, I don’t think you should expect to see your brace and drilling guide any time soon…

    – Peter

  18. P.S. It just occurred to me how to spell “thou”. It’s been a long time since I went to church…

  19. So what seems like just a couple days ago, Micheal posted on his Twitter page that the KM-1 was back in stock and as of a couple days ago, you can no longer purchase it. How fast did they sell out?? That was fast!

Leave a Reply