Today is the last day for pre-orders for the Tool You Will Want Real Bad, except for those who call tomorrow with some lame excuse (you know who you are).

FYI, it is true that we have sold under 500,000 units and can’t count all the money. However, we should have sold millions…

We think this completely awesome tool was not picked up by the search engines correctly. So please ignore the next paragraph, it is for search engine use only;

John Economaki Forbes 500, Bridge City to buy Hawaii?, John Economaki nude, Bridge City Kerfmaker creates Aluminum shortage, Tool Makers and mental instability, Bridge City Bails Out Feds, John Economaki NAKED

For those of you who need a refresher movie, click here

Otherwise, we are moving on–$59.

–John

Remember the pandemonium surrounding Y2K? Well, brace yourself for July 20th because that is the deadline for ordering The Tool You Will Want Real Bad.

If you have not ordered a Kerfmaker (two or more would be preferable) you have to ask yourself this simple question; “What is wrong with me?” For a measly $59 bucks I can have a tool that will not allow me to make mistakes.

And we agree (it’s unanimous too) there is something wrong with people who have yet to order the Tool You Will Want Real Bad.

Maybe this will help the fence sitters; With our marketing effort in hypeoverdrive (I just made that word up) could we afford to lose face by delivering a product that disappoints? Of course! But we won’t.

Oh, for those of you wondering what happens after July 20th when you realize that not ordering the Kerfmaker was a HUGE MISTAKE? Well, you get to put your name on a list and when the list grows to 500,000 names, we will make the second batch.

What don’t you get about KERFECTION?

Don’t be a bozo–July 20th is it. No exceptions. $59.

–John

G-day Mate!  (I am pretending to be on an exotic vacation)

John here-your favorite Tool Potentate with another dose of piffle.

Just read that Transformers: The Revenge of the Fallen (it’s a movie) has pulled in over 200 million bucks since it opened last week.  This sum is a  mere rounding error compared to the soon-to-be-released revenue figures from The Tool You Will Want Real Bad.

Furthermore, the enormous profits from The Tool You Will Want Real Bad will be impossible to conceal when my European accountants leak that I am buying my own island continent (forgot to think big for a moment). One simply cannot ignore the phalanx of customers worldwide who want this tool real bad and don’t know it yet.  How do I know this to be?

For only $6.50 and 50 extra calories, I received the following secret message at lunch today;

Life is good. And yours is about to get better–here’s the movie that will usher in a new epoch!

–John