What the BLEEP is THIS?

It’s summer and we are supposed to be having fun. Let’s begin…

The video elves at Bridge City are busy compiling footage of our newest tool which by no coincidence is pictured below.

Can you guess what it is?

Here is a free clue; the mystery tool will sell for $59 (the equivalent of 12 snow cones at the county fair, one bucket of movie popcorn or one bag of dog food for Louie) and we are almost certain you will want one. Or two. How do I know? I’ll tell you later.

Yet another free clue; the image below contains all the information needed to complete your detective work. There are also a couple of dead-end visual clues. Time to awaken your inner Agatha Christie.

jje-blog1

In my excitement for the discovery of this little device, I demonstrated it at at the Marc Adams School of Woodworking several weeks back. You people know who you are and remember, you are sworn to silence so zip it, lock it, and put it in your pocket! This means you too Zane.

Also, one of the editors at Popular Woodworking (name rhymes with Chris Schwarz) has seen this in action. Oops–was that a clue? Oh, he wants one too! Just ask him!

Now, I am no stranger to tool hooplah so you just need to believe me when I say that those that have seen this work want it! Want it bad. Have we had people offer us their first born for this? Sure, but that ain’t right–it’s wrong and needs to stop.

Since you haven’t seen it yet, your uncontrolled desire for this new tool is suppressed–this will pass.

In the meantime, post your guesses and I will respond with one of five words; cold, colder, warm, hot or Bingo! I will try my best to tell the truth too. Sorta.

In the spirit of fair play, I will help you with 10 more free clues. No need to send money now.

1. This device has nothing to do with animal husbandry, parachutes or rock climbing.

2. This device will not increase gas mileage, monitor tire pressure or help you find your car keys. (Got myself on a little roll there with all those automotive clues…)

3. A zeppelin repairman might use this device.  It’s a stretch but if I was a zeppelin repairman I would want this tool. Really.

4. We haven’t figured out how to open a beer with this–yet. BREAKING NEWS! We can open a beer with this new gizmo. Attention Marketing Department: Revise sales forecast upwards!

5. This device could be used as an impromptu garlic press.

6. It has a name.

7. We invented it.

8. You will want one.

9. You will want one real bad.

10. We won’t stop you if you want two.

–John

39 comments on this post:

  1. I spy with my eye, that it is used to drill slots, in straight or curved lines.

  2. It has a personality and likes 60s music. In the winter it likes riding sleds and will help you through thick and thin and will allow you to cut through the toughest of layouts. In the summer he takes to the water and likes to hang 10 as he cuts through the toughest waves.

    I was one of those that saw this thing first hand and John is right. I’ll probably end up with 2 of them. These guys are super cool. I hope I didn’t give too much away in my clues.

  3. Steve: You are getting colder. It is so cold it is time to put a salt box by the toilet… actually I take that back… one of your suggestions is warm. Which one?

  4. With my first guess I’m going with a multi-axis layout tool. Before I make my second guess can you speak as to whether a proctologist would use it?

    -Charles

  5. hmmm, wanting two makes me think of trammels.

    I tried to do what I did in college and cheat by looking at the image name… I thought I had the tools acronym there but with some real deep thinking I realize it’s probably your initials. Next, examining the page source to see if there’s any hidden tags… shameless, I know.

    If this thing turns out to be a pencil sharpener I’m going to be crestfallen.
    -Charles

  6. $59 dollars for a bag of food for Louie dog? I didn’t know they sold shoes by the bag, and that cheaply!

  7. Charles: I like proctologists but I think their job stinks. BADA BING! Trammels:Cold Pencil Sharpener:Cold.

    Steve: Warm–just out of the cold warm–Pendelton shirt warm says it all.

    Rutager: Louie dog weighs in at an even 100 lbs. We feel blessed to buy $59 bags of kibble–if it tasted better he might quit eating my shoes.

  8. It appears to be a tool to saw a mirror image, but the name is beyond me. However, I am sure I am going to want at least one.

  9. Perhaps it’s an attachment for the drill jig to allow it to be used to scribe centers, and mortises and tenons?

  10. Or perhaps a 3D marking gauge/saddle square/drill guide if the parts rotate.

  11. Looks like we’re doing right angle layout in multiple dimensions. Very neat tool.

  12. What ever this is, I’ll bet you have to use it multiple times to get the result you want?

  13. Is it a transformer?
    I “folded it out” on paper and it has two feet….It looks like it shot itself in one foot…
    Maybe it sets on a shelf and you drill the next shelf hole with it????

  14. I don’t believe the parts rotate as the orange piece appears to be keyed. It seems that the smaller gray piece slides along the larger gray piece and that the orange piece, sandwhiched between the two then extends further, with all pieces remaining in the same plane/axis.

    If Chris Schwarz wants one it likely has to do with hammering, sawing, or drawboring. Although it appears you could use it as a striking tool I don’t think thats it’s primary purpose, nor drawboring. Given this and previous guesses I think it’s something that assits sawing. I wish I knew what the hole was for (or a nickel for every time I’ve thought that). Since the knobs are all recessed I’m guessing the tool references more than one surface… so, some sort of hand sawing guide for cutting dead 90’s?

    I know, I know… COLD!
    -Charles
    This is overworking the non-dominant side of my brain.

  15. OK,

    NOW I can’t sleep. This is my final statement and I’m going back to bed….
    It replaces the trap jaws on the JMP and holds pieces (very nicely) to the back fence for sawing.

    Good night John.

    Dennis

  16. 27: Cold
    28: Uh, Cold but a “warm” bonus for making me smile.
    29: WARMER
    30: Cold
    31: First Paragraph: Warm, Second Paragraph: Warmer and Warmer still. Your brain is doing fine.
    32: Cold

  17. I was going to guess it was a portable drill guide until I read some of the clues here. (Not sure if that kind of tool is partial to the Beach Boys, but I can picture how it could work pretty well drilling angles into wood clamped into the flat edge at the bottom.)
    I’m going to say Pocket Hole Jig. But I have a feeling an early frost might be coming on…

  18. You know, Charles, I had similar thoughts to yours. My logic went: this is BCT – they make hand tools. So this probably isn’t a router guide. There’s no set screw in the hole, so it probably isn’t for locking something in there. The knobs are recessed, so it can lie flat. I was wondering about whether it was a saw guide, or a layout tool. Some sort of measuring gauge (put a pencil in the hole) for reveals or distance from the edge of something. But there doesn’t seem to be an edge that would ride along the edge of a board.

    I was wondering about the notch at the bottom: could it fit over the edge of a board? But then what do you do with it?

    Maybe you put a dowel through the holes, and use two of them to make a pasta-drying rack…

    Peter

  19. 33: Use plenty of blankets tonight–it’s a three dog night.
    35: No early frost here–straight to the Ice Age!
    36: Had pasta for dinner–it was warm and so are you, but then you went cold.

    -John

  20. Use me once
    and I’ll flip for you.

    Use me twice
    and I’ll be a-gap-ed,

    I’m a perfect device!

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